Tag Archives: Motivation

Soulmates and Unconditional Love

Are you searching for a soulmate or unconditional love? Your quest can set you on an impossible journey to find an ideal partner. The problem is twofold: People and relationships can never achieve perfection. Often unconditional and conditional love are confused.

Usually, we yearn for unconditional love because we didn’t receive it in childhood and fail to give it to ourselves. Of all relationships, parental love, particularly maternal love, is the most enduring form of unconditional love. (In prior generations, paternal love was thought of as conditional.) But in fact, most parents withdraw their love when they’re overstressed or when their children misbehave. To a child, even timeouts can feel like emotional abandonment. Thus, rightly or wrongly, most parents at times only love their children conditionally.

Is Unconditional Love Possible?

 

Unlike romantic love, unconditional love does not seek pleasure or gratification. Unconditional love is more a state of receptivity and allowing, which arises from our own “basic goodness,” says Trungpa Rimpoche. It’s the total acceptance of someone — a powerful energy emanating from the heart.

Love that is unconditional transcends time, place, behavior, and worldly concerns. We don’t decide whom we love, and sometimes don’t know why. The motives and reasons of the heart are unfathomable, writes Carson McCullers:

The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. . . The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else — but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. ~ The Ballad of the Sad Café (2005), p. 26

McCullers explains that most of us prefer to love than be loved:

. . . the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself. It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. ~ ibid

Ideally, the giving and receiving of unconditional love is a unitary experience. Couples experience this most frequently when falling in love. It also happens when someone fearlessly opens up to us in an intimate setting. It’s a being-to-being recognition of that which is unconditional in each of us, our humanity, as if to lovingly say, “Namaste,” meaning: “The God (or divine consciousness) within me salutes the God within you.” When we delight in another’s being-ness, boundaries may dissolve in what feels like spiritual experience. This allows energy to flow into places of resistance that surround our heart and can be deeply healing. It can happen during moments of vulnerability during therapy.

 

Yet, inevitably, these occurrences don’t last, and we return to our ordinary ego state — our conditioned self. We all have our preferences, idiosyncrasies, and particular tastes and needs, which have been conditioned by our upbringing, religion, society, and experiences. We also have limits about what we will and won’t accept in a relationship. When we love conditionally, it’s because we approve of our partner’s beliefs, needs, desires, and lifestyle. They match up with ours and give us comfort, companionship, and pleasure.

We’re fortunate to meet someone we can love conditionally and, at times, unconditionally. The combination of both forms of love in one relationship makes our attraction intense. It’s the closest we come to finding a soulmate.

Confusing Conditional and Unconditional Love

It causes stress and conflict when conditional and unconditional love don’t coexist. Frequently, people tend to confuse the two. I’ve met spouses who were great companions and best friends, but divorced because their relationship marriage lacked the intimate connection of unconditional love. This can be helped in marriage counseling when individuals learn empathy and the language of intimacy. (See my blog, “Your Intimacy Index.”) But it can lead to frustration and unhappiness if we try to force our heart to love unconditionally when other aspects of the relationship are unacceptable or important needs go unmet.

On the other hand, some couples fight all the time, but stay together because they share a deep, unconditional love for each other. In couples counseling, they can learn to communicate in healthier, non-defensive ways that allow their love to flow. I’ve seen couples married over 40 years experience a second honeymoon that’s better than their first!

Other times, the problems in the relationship concern basic values or needs, and the couple, or one partner, decides to separate despite their love. It’s a mistake to believe that unconditional love means we should accept abuse, infidelity, addiction, or other problems we can’t tolerate. The saying, “Love is not enough” is accurate. The relationship ends, but the individuals often go on loving each other — even despite prior violence — which mystifies onlookers, but it’s okay. Closing our heart in self-protection only hurts us. It limits our joy and aliveness.

Dating

Dating stirs up unrealistic hopes of finding constant, unconditional love. We’re liable to go from one lover to the next looking for our ideal soulmate. We may find someone who meets all of our conditions, yet doesn’t open our heart.

Or, unconditional love may naturally arise early on, but then we wonder if we can live with the other person day in and day out. Our conditional concerns and our struggles to accommodate each other’s needs and personal habits can eclipse the short-lived bliss of unconditional love.

The reverse can happen, too. Sometimes, during the romantic phase of love, people commit to marriage, not knowing their partner well. They don’t realize he or she lacks the necessary ingredients that are required to make a marriage work, such as cooperation, self-esteem, and communication and mutual problem-solving skills.

I don’t believe there is only one soulmate destined for each of us. It might seem so, because the conditional and unconditional rarely overlap. According to researcher and psychologist Robert Firestone, “It is difficult to find individuals who are mature enough emotionally to manifest love on a consistent basis. It is even more problematic to accept love when one does receive it.” Firestone theorizes that couples try to maintain an ersatz version of their initial love through a “fantasy bond,” replaying romantic words and gestures that lack authenticity and vulnerability. Partners feel lonely and disconnected from each other, even if the marriage looks good to others.

Opening the Heart

Unconditional love isn’t a high ideal we need to achieve. Actually, striving after it removes us from the experience. It’s always present as the unconditioned part of us — our “pure, primordial presence,” writes Buddhist psychologist John Welwood. He believes that we can glimpse it through mindfulness meditation. By observing our breath, we become more present and can appreciate our basic goodness. In mediation and in therapy, we find those places we choose to hide from ourselves and others.

In trying to reform ourselves, we necessarily create inner conflict, which alienates us from our true self and self-acceptance. (See Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.) It reflects the belief that we can love ourselves provided we change. That is conditional love. It motivates us to seek unconditional love from others, when we need to give it to ourselves. The more we fight against ourselves, the more we constrict our hearts. Yet, it’s these disowned and unwanted parts of ourselves, which often give us the most problems, that are in the greatest need of our love and attention. Instead of self-judgment, exploration and empathy are necessary. People often enter therapy to change themselves, but hopefully come to accept themselves. Trying to change stems from shame and the premise that we’re inadequate and unlovable.

Source:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/soulmates-and-unconditional-love/

Advertisements

Thought Power – Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

Thought power is the key to creating your reality. Everything you perceive in the physical world has its origin in the invisible, inner world of your thoughts and beliefs. To become the master of your destiny, you must learn to control the nature of your dominant, habitual thoughts. By doing so, you will be able to attract into your life that which you intend to have and experience as you come to know the Truth that your thoughts create your reality.

For Every Outside Effect There is an Inner Cause: Every effect you see in your outside or physical world has a specific cause which has its origin in your inner or mental world. This is the essence of thought power. Put another way, the conditions and circumstances of your life are as a result of your collective thoughts and beliefs. James Allen said it best when he said “circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him”. Every aspect of your life, from the state of your finances to the state of your health and your relationships, is accurately revealing your thoughts and your beliefs.

It’s an Inside Job: Most people have it back to front, believing that they feel or think a certain way because of their circumstances, not knowing the truth that it is their thought power that is creating those very circumstances, whether wanted or unwanted. By internalizing and applying this Truth, that your thoughts create your reality, you will grant yourself the power to create the changes you want to see manifest in your life. Reality creation is an inside job.

Your Thought Power is Limitless: There is a single, intelligent Consciousness that pervades the entire Universe, which is all powerful, all knowing, all creative and present everywhere at the same time – the Universal Mind. Your mind is part of this One Universal Mind and since your thoughts are a product of your mind, it follows that your thought power too is limitless. Once you truly understand that your mind is one with the Single Source of All Power and that this power is within you, you will have found the only true source of infinite power for which nothing is impossible and impossible is nothing. Know that thought power comes from within. Accessing the source of All Power starts by looking inwards.

cosmos

Your Thoughts are Alive: The greatest mystics and teachers that have walked the Earth have told us that everything is energy. This has now been undeniably confirmed by modern science. Your thoughts too are energy. William Walker Atkinson told us that “where mind is static energy, thought is dynamic energy – two phases of the same thing” and Charles Haanel went on to say that “thought power is the vibratory force formed by converting static mind into dynamic mind”. Your thoughts are alive. Each time you entertain a specific thought, you emit a very specific, corresponding frequency or energy vibration.

What Frequency Are You On: The basic premise of the Law of Attraction is that like energy attracts like energy. You attract to yourself those things and circumstances that are in vibrational harmony with your dominant frequency, which is itself determined by your dominant mental attitude, habitual thoughts and beliefs. Mike Dooley, one of the presenters of the movie The Secret, fittingly suggests that if you want to know what a thought looks like, just look around you. Keep in mind these three words “thoughts are things”.

Not All Thoughts Are Created Equal: The attractive power of any particular thought is determined by how often you have that thought and by the strength of the feelings or emotions associated with it. The more energy you give to a particular thought, the greater its power to attract its corresponding circumstance into your physical world through the Law of Attraction. Your one-off, passing thoughts do not have the same creative power as your habitual thoughts and beliefs. Remember, that it is of little use to entertain positive thoughts for just a short burst of time each day if you then proceed to think negative or unwanted thoughts for the rest of the day. A negative thought cancels the benefit of a positive thought and vice versa. Since your reality is the sum total of all your thoughts there are many factors influencing your life. This makes it difficult to directly join the dots between the cause (thought) and the effect (circumstance) but the causation is always there.

Use Thought Power to Change Your Life: It is your subconscious mind that is the storehouse of your deep-seated beliefs and programs. To change your circumstances and attract to yourself that which you choose, you must learn to program and re-program your subconscious mind. The most effective and practical way to do so, is to learn the simple process of creative visualization. It is the technique underlying reality creation, making use of thought power to consciously imagine, create and attract that which you choose. Your imagination is the engine of your thoughts. It converts your thought power into mental images, which are in turn manifested in the physical realm.

Instantly Replace Unwanted Thoughts: To instantly neutralize the power of a negative thought, calmly and deliberately replace it with its opposite, positive equivalent. For instance, if you think to yourself “I’m not good enough, I will never succeed”, mentally replace that thought with “I am good enough and success comes to me easily”. You can also use the “cancel, cancel” technique made famous by the Silva Method. Each time you catch yourself thinking an unwanted thought, mentally tell yourself and the Universe “cancel, cancel” and immediately follow it up with a positive statement.

yourstory-Change-your-life-with-the-power-of-thoughts

Source:

http://www.mind-your-reality.com/thought_power.html

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

  • A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Ch. 7, Section 3 (1992), p. 190. This famous passage from her book is often erroneously attributed to Nelson Mandela. About the mis-attribution Williamson said, “Several years ago, this paragraph from A Return to Love began popping up everywhere, attributed to Nelson Mandela’s 1994 inaugural address. As honored as I would be had President Mandela quoted my words, indeed he did not. I have no idea where that story came from, but I am gratified that the paragraph has come to mean so much to so many people.”

 

  • Variants:

 

  • Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

 

  • Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
    • A variant in Akeelah and the Bee (2006), displayed in a picture frame on the wall, attributing it to Mandela.

marianne-w-thechalkboardmag

Marianne Williamson

10 Ways Mentally Strong People Build Powerful Mindsets

Some people call it grit. Others call it perseverance. Whatever name you give it, a strong mindset is a trait shared by the world’s best performers – whether they are entrepreneurs, leaders, musicians or athletes.

Yet a strong mindset is more than simply refusing to quit. True strength of mind comes from a combination of awareness, focus and resiliency. A strong mindset is what allows you to stay focused on your intentions, instead of negative thoughts. It’s what helps you understand that struggle is impermanent and won’t derail your success. It keeps you from making self-destructive decisions.

So how do you cultivate a mindset that rivals the strongest performers on earth? You learn and adopt the same habits they use every day. Here are ten things that remarkably successful people do to develop a powerful mindset of success.

They use the power of intention

I recently met Randy Jackson, former host of American Idol and prolific business leader in the music industry, at The Human Gathering conference in Los Angeles. He mentioned that artists like David Bowie and Madonna had a mindset that produced an insatiable belief in their future success. They acted as if their success and fame was as real as gravity, even before they had it.

This is a great example of how successful people use the power of intention to build belief systems around the things they want to create or experience. Then they make them real. You can learn to tap into this power by using this list of powerful mantras that help build a mindset of success.

They make time to think

Successful people are certainly busy, but that doesn’t mean they’re constantly hustling with their head down. They also understand the importance of reflection and introspection. They take time to examine their progress and give their minds the space needed to notice new ideas or opportunities.

They learn to deal with negative thoughts

The best performers are aware of the negative thoughts that derail most people and they know how to deal with them in a productive way. Instead of suppressing negativity, they accept that negative thoughts are simply thoughts with no inherent power. They don’t attach to them, and in doing so, are free to look at the same situation from a new angle. Finally, they replace the negative thought with a new one that serves them well.

leader_or_follower-500x500

They don’t listen to the haters

When you play big, someone is bound to hate on your ideas or success. Winners do not give their power away by allowing hate and external judgment to affect their ambitions or self-confidence.

They meditate

Meditation aims to calm your mind so you can become aware of your thoughts and emotions. While the techniques and tools vary, a meditation practice helps you get to know yourself on a deeper level while also lowering your baseline of stress and anxiety. Top performers know that moments of stillness dissolve distractions and stress – leaving them with the clarity to flow in the direction they want to go.

They work with coaches

Even the most successful people hire coaches to help them stay focused, remain accountable to the process and hone their craft. They know that a coach is a key ingredient to pushing their minds and talents to the next level.

They are constantly learning

One trait shared by remarkably successful people is a dedication to reading and learning. Successful people are voracious readers. They know that learning is a key ingredient for a growth mindset. Here’s a list of great books for entrepreneurs.

They have clear goals

Successful people know what they want. They define their goals in specific terms and they write them down on paper. The process of writing them down makes them feel even more real. Also, many successful people use vision boards to keep their intentions in the forefront of their minds.

They exercise

We all know that exercise is good for us, yet that doesn’t mean we actually make it a priority. Remarkably successful people know the connection between a healthy brain and body and professional success. The path to greatness includes physical and emotional demands that are more manageable when your mind and body are strong and healthy.

They laugh

Everyone needs a release, and laughter releases endorphins, the brain’s “feel good” chemical, which enables us to let go of stress and negativity. People who laugh often are happier and more productive. Find time for laughter every day, even if it’s a quick video clip on YouTube.

When your mind is strong, you can handle the ups and downs of the entrepreneurial journey. When your mind is weak, you’re vulnerable to making bad decisions due to fatigue, fear and panic. Adopt these habits and build a powerful mindset that will lead to personal growth and professional success.

SteveJobsBook

Source:

A Facebook Exec’s 5 Tips for Building Successful Distributed Teams

With 45 offices around the world, Facebook executives certainly understand the challenges of leading a distributed team.

As Facebook’s head of platform and marketplace, Deb Liu has spearheaded projects that include things such as login to marketplace and payments, leading teams based in places from Seattle to Singapore.

During her seven and a half years at the company, she has learned some lessons in effective leadership. From incorporating people on the ground to communication methods, check out these five tips from Liu to make your remote management process as seamless as possible.

1. Incorporate local leadership.

When growing, it’s important to make sure your distributed offices feel just as important as the central office. “You don’t want them to feel like they have less opportunity and less growth,” Liu says.

That’s why it’s necessary to bring in people from that area to join the team. “Having a local leadership team creates a strong foundation in which you can build a strong office in the long-term,” she says.

Local leadership allows a company to understand what’s happening in a new office’s area and any challenges that people there face. Ask questions such as, What are the work hours in that city? What is the weather like? What are the activities people do?

Understanding that locale will help foster a stronger office culture.

2. Transplant one or two people from headquarters.

There’s no reason to start from scratch when building a new team. Although it’s important to hire locally and employ local managers, a company should also transplant one or two leaders from the company’s headquarters to get the new office on its feet.

Those people can be in charge of growing the new team, and act as a bridge between the central and distributed office. Sending ambassadors is “an opportunity to build two-way communication,” Liu says.

3. Your first hires are the most important.

A strong company culture stems from a strong local culture. That all comes down to who you hire. “Your first few hires are going to be key in the kind of culture and office you’re going to build,” she says.

These key hires help set the foundation for your distributed office and play an important role in building the local team.

“Hire people who are self-motivated, good communicators and who are open and honest. These qualities will serve them in a remote working scenario,” Liu says.

4. Use the best technology.

An obvious challenge of distributed offices is that they reduce or eliminate face-to-face communication. Today’s technology can make up for this, allowing for seamless communication and the ability to build relationships. “The level of intimacy you can create is only as good as the technology that connects you,” Liu says.

For Liu’s teams, video conferencing has been the key to their success — and she recommends it for any business with distributed offices. Here are some quick tips from Liu:

  • Be mindful of timezones.
  • Assign someone to be a video conferencing sherpa, who’s tasked with monitoring the meeting and making sure everyone is heard.
  • Take notes and send them out to everyone after the meeting.
  • Maintain message threads and group chats so everyone stays connected.

5. Host company-wide events.

Technology today can take the place of face-to-face meetings, but it’s still important to host company-wide events to boost morale, build cohesion and foster creativity.

Facebook hosts an annual “Hackathon” for its employees — giving them the opportunity to collaborate with others in the company and put their creativity to the test. Every year, the hackathon is hosted in a different city of one of its distributed offices, and Facebook employees from around the world come together to participate.

“It is these things as a company that make us not headquarter-centric,” Liu says. It teaches employees about the cultures of other offices, and ensures that everyone at the company can feel the same level of opportunity and appreciation.

Source:

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/290877

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: