Tag Archives: love

33 Strategies of Kama Sutra: Make Her Scream – Last Longer, Come Harder, And Be The Best She’s Ever Had

Among the most vulnerable things that can wear out with time is intimacy. Most couples go through difficult times and commitments that take a toll on their intimacy. In most cases, when affection wears among lovers, one person is usually affected than the other. If any of the partners does not take the initiative to restore intimacy into the relationship, chances are your relationship will end up breaking as one or both of you seek intimacy from outside.

It is believed that the human body is a small atomic factory where chemical elements needed in the body are continually manufactured using low quantities of energy. Besides, there is also the production of energy sufficient for extraordinary phenomena. These include higher states of consciousness, paranormal abilities, sublimation of particular energies and higher intelligence. Others are elevated levels of happiness and euphoria, to mention just a few.

If you can move into lovemaking totally the ego disappears, because at the highest peak, at the highest climax of lovemaking, you are pure energy.

Osho

In Preschool, He Told His Class He Would Marry Her. 20 Years Later, He Did.

The pair first met as kiddos at a preschool in Phoenix where they would chase each other around the playground and stay up together during nap time. In a post on the Instagram account The Way We Met, Matt said that one of his earliest childhood memories was standing up in front of his class and declaring his love for his best friend Laura, writing, “I was enamored with Laura as a child, and I still am to this day.”

Laura told HuffPost that she remembers preschool Matt being a total goofball.

“We did almost everything together,” she added. “We would just have a blast together.”

 

Matt, on the other hand, recalls trying to impress Laura from an early age. 

“Lion King was what all the kids were into back then so we would spend most of our time reciting lines from the movie on the playground,” Matt told HuffPost. “I remember trying to impress her during a Cinco De Mayo celebration at the preschool where we were trying to break open a piñata. Fortunately, I was the kid who managed to do it and I assume it got her attention.”

COURTESY OF THE COUPLE
Pool time for the childhood besties. 

The two ended up going to different elementary schools and eventually lost touch. They reconnected years later during their freshman year of high school after Laura saw Matt’s name in a mutual friend’s phone. The friend wanted to set her up with Matt, but Laura was wary at first.

 

“I was hesitant to go out with him,” she said. “But he texted me and we hit it off.”

Within two weeks they were boyfriend and girlfriend. They attended different high schools and went to college in different states but they stayed together through it all. 

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After years apart, the couple reconnected during high school. 

In May 2015, Matt made good on his childhood promise when he popped the question to Laura at the preschool where they first met. She just thought they were there for a picnic date to celebrate the end of their junior year of college. 

 

“The whole car ride to the preschool she kept asking me why I seemed anxious. I kept checking my pocket when she wasn’t looking to make sure the ring was still there,” Matt told HuffPost. “I dropped down on one knee while my brother came in with the phone, snapping photos. Laura was shocked. I gave her my pitch on why I wanted her to marry me and she said yes ― whew!”

COURTESY OF THE COUPLE
Back to where it all began. 

The pair tied the knot in December 2016, proving that fairytale romances do, indeed, exist. 

Congrats to the happy couple! 

Below, more photos of the couple throughout the years:

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How the Kamasutra Is Unappreciated as a Life Guide

The “Kamasutra” is one of the world’s oldest textbooks of erotic love and certainly the most famous. It was composed in northern India in Sanskrit, the literary language of ancient India, probably in the second century—a time when Europeans were, sexually speaking, still swinging in trees. Because of its explicitness about the intimacies of sexual passion, it can still make people today blush.

But the “Kamasutra” has long been misunderstood. Very little of it, in fact, concerns the sexual act, and the bits that do may or may not surprise modern readers, depending on what sort of lives they have led. But the rest of it will surprise them, because the “Kamasutra” is, above all, a profound work of psychology.

The descriptions of sexual positions may at one time have been the most thumb-worn passages, but nowadays, when sexually explicit novels, films, videos and instruction manuals are everywhere, no one needs to read it for that. The real “Kamasutra” is about the art of living—finding a partner, maintaining power in a marriage, committing adultery, using drugs and more. It tells us that anyone can live the life of pleasure—if they have money.

 

A modern reader might expect the book’s descriptions of sex to be familiar and the details of life in ancient India to be strange. In fact, the opposite is often true: Some sexual details are strange and even repugnant, while cultural matters are often surprisingly familiar.

The “Kamasutra” describes some sexual contortions that “require practice,” as the text puts it mildly. These are the gymnastic positions that make people laugh, uneasily, when the book is mentioned. Sexual reality may be universal—there are, after all, just so many things that you can do—but sexual fantasy seems to be highly cultural.

Source:

https://blogs.wsj.com/indiarealtime/2016/03/20/how-the-kamasutra-is-unappreciated-as-a-life-guide/

Soulmates and Unconditional Love

Are you searching for a soulmate or unconditional love? Your quest can set you on an impossible journey to find an ideal partner. The problem is twofold: People and relationships can never achieve perfection. Often unconditional and conditional love are confused.

Usually, we yearn for unconditional love because we didn’t receive it in childhood and fail to give it to ourselves. Of all relationships, parental love, particularly maternal love, is the most enduring form of unconditional love. (In prior generations, paternal love was thought of as conditional.) But in fact, most parents withdraw their love when they’re overstressed or when their children misbehave. To a child, even timeouts can feel like emotional abandonment. Thus, rightly or wrongly, most parents at times only love their children conditionally.

Is Unconditional Love Possible?

 

Unlike romantic love, unconditional love does not seek pleasure or gratification. Unconditional love is more a state of receptivity and allowing, which arises from our own “basic goodness,” says Trungpa Rimpoche. It’s the total acceptance of someone — a powerful energy emanating from the heart.

Love that is unconditional transcends time, place, behavior, and worldly concerns. We don’t decide whom we love, and sometimes don’t know why. The motives and reasons of the heart are unfathomable, writes Carson McCullers:

The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. . . The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else — but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. ~ The Ballad of the Sad Café (2005), p. 26

McCullers explains that most of us prefer to love than be loved:

. . . the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself. It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. ~ ibid

Ideally, the giving and receiving of unconditional love is a unitary experience. Couples experience this most frequently when falling in love. It also happens when someone fearlessly opens up to us in an intimate setting. It’s a being-to-being recognition of that which is unconditional in each of us, our humanity, as if to lovingly say, “Namaste,” meaning: “The God (or divine consciousness) within me salutes the God within you.” When we delight in another’s being-ness, boundaries may dissolve in what feels like spiritual experience. This allows energy to flow into places of resistance that surround our heart and can be deeply healing. It can happen during moments of vulnerability during therapy.

 

Yet, inevitably, these occurrences don’t last, and we return to our ordinary ego state — our conditioned self. We all have our preferences, idiosyncrasies, and particular tastes and needs, which have been conditioned by our upbringing, religion, society, and experiences. We also have limits about what we will and won’t accept in a relationship. When we love conditionally, it’s because we approve of our partner’s beliefs, needs, desires, and lifestyle. They match up with ours and give us comfort, companionship, and pleasure.

We’re fortunate to meet someone we can love conditionally and, at times, unconditionally. The combination of both forms of love in one relationship makes our attraction intense. It’s the closest we come to finding a soulmate.

Confusing Conditional and Unconditional Love

It causes stress and conflict when conditional and unconditional love don’t coexist. Frequently, people tend to confuse the two. I’ve met spouses who were great companions and best friends, but divorced because their relationship marriage lacked the intimate connection of unconditional love. This can be helped in marriage counseling when individuals learn empathy and the language of intimacy. (See my blog, “Your Intimacy Index.”) But it can lead to frustration and unhappiness if we try to force our heart to love unconditionally when other aspects of the relationship are unacceptable or important needs go unmet.

On the other hand, some couples fight all the time, but stay together because they share a deep, unconditional love for each other. In couples counseling, they can learn to communicate in healthier, non-defensive ways that allow their love to flow. I’ve seen couples married over 40 years experience a second honeymoon that’s better than their first!

Other times, the problems in the relationship concern basic values or needs, and the couple, or one partner, decides to separate despite their love. It’s a mistake to believe that unconditional love means we should accept abuse, infidelity, addiction, or other problems we can’t tolerate. The saying, “Love is not enough” is accurate. The relationship ends, but the individuals often go on loving each other — even despite prior violence — which mystifies onlookers, but it’s okay. Closing our heart in self-protection only hurts us. It limits our joy and aliveness.

Dating

Dating stirs up unrealistic hopes of finding constant, unconditional love. We’re liable to go from one lover to the next looking for our ideal soulmate. We may find someone who meets all of our conditions, yet doesn’t open our heart.

Or, unconditional love may naturally arise early on, but then we wonder if we can live with the other person day in and day out. Our conditional concerns and our struggles to accommodate each other’s needs and personal habits can eclipse the short-lived bliss of unconditional love.

The reverse can happen, too. Sometimes, during the romantic phase of love, people commit to marriage, not knowing their partner well. They don’t realize he or she lacks the necessary ingredients that are required to make a marriage work, such as cooperation, self-esteem, and communication and mutual problem-solving skills.

I don’t believe there is only one soulmate destined for each of us. It might seem so, because the conditional and unconditional rarely overlap. According to researcher and psychologist Robert Firestone, “It is difficult to find individuals who are mature enough emotionally to manifest love on a consistent basis. It is even more problematic to accept love when one does receive it.” Firestone theorizes that couples try to maintain an ersatz version of their initial love through a “fantasy bond,” replaying romantic words and gestures that lack authenticity and vulnerability. Partners feel lonely and disconnected from each other, even if the marriage looks good to others.

Opening the Heart

Unconditional love isn’t a high ideal we need to achieve. Actually, striving after it removes us from the experience. It’s always present as the unconditioned part of us — our “pure, primordial presence,” writes Buddhist psychologist John Welwood. He believes that we can glimpse it through mindfulness meditation. By observing our breath, we become more present and can appreciate our basic goodness. In mediation and in therapy, we find those places we choose to hide from ourselves and others.

In trying to reform ourselves, we necessarily create inner conflict, which alienates us from our true self and self-acceptance. (See Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.) It reflects the belief that we can love ourselves provided we change. That is conditional love. It motivates us to seek unconditional love from others, when we need to give it to ourselves. The more we fight against ourselves, the more we constrict our hearts. Yet, it’s these disowned and unwanted parts of ourselves, which often give us the most problems, that are in the greatest need of our love and attention. Instead of self-judgment, exploration and empathy are necessary. People often enter therapy to change themselves, but hopefully come to accept themselves. Trying to change stems from shame and the premise that we’re inadequate and unlovable.

Source:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/soulmates-and-unconditional-love/

Forget hookup culture. The ‘talk’ your kids need is about relationships

When I was 11 years old, copies of the now defunct Australian teen magazine Dolly started mysteriously showing up in my family’s living room. At the time, I thought my mother was buying them for her own entertainment, and passing them on to me when she was done the way she did the other magazines she read. But with a couple of decades hindsight, I now realize the magazines were purchased for my benefit.

At that point, I was already educated in the basics of sex and puberty. But the magazines provided answers to the questions that would plague my adolescence. How to a form a relationship? When was the right time to have sex? What did it mean to desire and be desired, and how did I fit into that? What is love? (Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me…)

The answers the magazines gave me weren’t always the most constructive, but their presence in our house sent a clear and important message: that in our family, sex and relationships were subjects that could be discussed openly and without fear.

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Not much has changed, if a new study out of Harvard University is to be believed. The report, titled The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment, argues that frets about a “hookup culture” of allegedly rampant casual sex are misplaced. In reality, only 8% of US 18- to 19-year-olds have had four or more sexual partners in the past year, and the vast majority of 18- to 25-year-olds report dating in exclusive relationships or not at all. According to a widely-reported 2015 study on sexual practices across generations, young people born in the 1990s are more likely to have had no sexual partners since the age of 18 than either Gen Xers or Babyboomers before them.

That doesn’t mean that the spectre of “hookup culture” doesn’t shape young people’s expectations when it comes to sex. But these concerns are as likely to be emotional as they are practical – about what a good relationship looks like, how to avoid getting hurt, how to deal with breakups, and how to begin a relationship in the first place.

“Media images of love,” the authors write, may be more toxic than media images of violence – “in part because we are not taught to view them as aberrant.”

In movies, books, and on TV, sex is portrayed as a powerful force that transforms children into adults and ugly ducklings into sexy swans, and love as an instantaneous, unmistakable attraction that is driven as much by pain as by pleasure. In practice, these narratives lead us to measure our self-worth according to our ability to “catch and keep” a romantic or sexual partner, or to stay in a relationship that is abusive or otherwise harmful because our abuse is coupled with fevered declarations of love.

I observed the same sense of sex as what British sociologist Ken Plummer calls “the Big Story” in the men and women I interviewed for my 2015 book, The Sex Myth. As Sarah, 25, described it: “Everything in the media, literature, popular culture points to sex. If you’re not married or in a relationship, it’s expected that you’ll be hooking up with people and dating. That’s just what you do. You have a love life and you talk about whatever your latest chapter is.”

But while the topic we were ostensibly speaking about was “sex,” as in the Harvard report, the reason the subject mattered to us was because it was deeply tied up with our emotional lives. Whether we were women or men, queer or straight, sex was the lens through which we had been taught to evaluate our desirability, our capacity to connect with other people, and the status our existing romantic relationships. Talking about it openly and exchanging vulnerabilities served as a way to make sense of our experiences; to understand ourselves and how we fit in with other people.

Source:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/18/forget-hookup-culture-the-talk-your-kids-need-is-about-relationships